Thursday, November 21, 2013

Your Life Is A Meaningless Digital Illusion, No Big Deal.

Data.

We can collect and process data in ways we never could before.  In the grand scheme of life on this planet, it wasn't that long ago that the abacus was a really big deal.  Now, the computer currently resting on my groin is more powerful than the one that sent Apollo 11 to the Moon.  (At least I'm assuming that's the case.  At the very least my computer is vastly more capable of accessing porn.)

For the most part, this whole data processing thing is good.  Data analysis helps us conserve, learn, and heal.  A doctor can count your blood cells now, whereas a couple centuries ago he would have just cut you open and bled you.

Sometimes though all this data processing isn't so good.  Consider cycling.  In the last few years we've come up with innumerable ways to quantify just how much we suck at riding bikes.  Here's one example, which I came across via the Twitter:


Pedaling: what could be simpler?  It's turning your feet around in circles.  Yet, incredibly, it's enough to power this incredibly efficient machine for miles and miles.  You'd think this would be enough for people, but for some reason they need to know which leg is better at it:


And where in the circle it's better:


And the various mathematical equations involved:



Here's an equation: your bike plus all this expensive crap equals you still suck.

"But it's a tool!," cry the Freds.  "Analyzing this data will make me a better cyclist!  And look, there are graphs!"



Yeah, it's a tool and so are you.  Sure, there are graphs.  This one is very informative.  See that drop in pedaling efficiency?  It coincides with that moment I eased up in order to reach into my bib shorts and shift my balls.  Therefore, if I want to be the best Cat 3 I can be, I'd better work on more efficient ball-shifting--or else buy a $500 pair of shorts with a KuKu Penthouse.

Hey, look, I'm not a communalist.  This is America, baby!  Canada's seal blood sluice!  We're free to buy what we want when we want, and to shoot anybody who tries to take it from us.  At the same time, though, it's hard not to find this preponderance of costly power measuring equipment slightly offensive.  I mean, come on, a "pedal monitoring system?"  Do you really need to spend $2,500 for something that tells you whether or not you're pedaling? They use less shit in the hospital when you're giving birth to tell you if your baby's still alive.  It's like "the machine that goes 'Bing!,'" only for Freds.

Oddly though, I watched the same video in Japanese, and it didn't bother me at all:



Go figure.

Anyway, I watched this video yesterday evening, and so I was already thinking about cycling and data obsession, and wouldn't you know I awoke this morning to find Jason Gay had written a column about amateur athletes and their compulsion to chronicle their "achievements:"


I enjoyed this column, but he and I are clearly constructed with a different crabon fiber lay-up:

But I am OK with this. Let's be clear about what we're saying when we ask people to curb their enthusiasm for their athletic achievements. We are saying that it bothers us. But what about it is irritating? Public displays of enthusiasm are everywhere. There is a guy in my neighborhood who wears a Star Wars hat all the time. This does not trouble me. I do not ask him to stop wearing the Star Wars hat (though I wonder if he has other hats.) Same goes for pets: I don't see the "I Love My Corgi" sticker on the back of a car and think, Wow, the Corgi people are really getting to be annoying. Whatever happened to someone just owning a Corgi and shutting up about it? I just think that someone in that car loves Corgis. And that the interior of that car probably smells like Corgis.

See, this is where he's far more vertically compliant than I am.  Jason Gay sees a bumper sticker and finds it charming and whimsical.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging him.  In fact, I wish I could get a prescription for whatever he's on, because when I see a bumper sticker I get angry.  Really angry.  I don't want to know what other people are thinking because what they're thinking is probably stupid.  When I see a Corgi bumper sticker, not only do I want the driver to shut up about the goddamn Corgi, but I also judge them harshly for taking a dog that has been specially bred over generations to work on Welsh farms and subjecting them to a mundane life in a crappy suburban home so everyone who comes over can secretly giggle at those ridiculous stubby legs until the thing slowly develops cataracts and those pathetic cloudy dog eyes and ultimately gets put to sleep.  Meanwhile, people are abandoning pit bulls in the park by tying them to trees, and they're incinerated by the thousands because nobody wants to adopt them, but good for you for buying a Corgi.

And it doesn't stop there.  I don't think I've ever seen a bumper sticker that didn't make me angry. When I see a religious bumper sticker I think, "Screw you, your make-believe god, and the combination tax shelter/child molestation factory you've built around it."  When I see a bumper sticker about some kid who's an honor student I think about how that kid probably sucks at other things.  When I see an environmental bumper sticker on a Subaru I think, "Fuck you, you're driving a car around Park Slope!  You're basically waving a 'Safe Sex' banner while fucking Mother Nature bareback!"

Really, the only thing worse than bumper stickers are vanity plates, and the most idiotic vanity plates of all are the ones that simply state the make or model of the car, like when you see a Honda and the license plate says "HONDA."  How stupid do you have to be to pay the state extra to reinforce the advertising your car's manufacturer has already plastered all over the thing?  Then you roll up next to the car and it's blasting some insipid "music" consisting of little more than someone reciting the brand names of the products he likes to buy, and you realize most people are little more than vapid and unwitting pixels in the flashing banner ad that has become our culture.

I mean, obviously that doesn't stop me from blogging about my rides and going on (and on, and on, and onandonandon) about my own stupid opinions, but if I wasn't a total fucking hypocrite then I wouldn't be human, now would I?  Really, the point here is that it's all about me, and this new age of self-promotion isn't good for my already addled mental state.  So forgive me if I don't want to hear about your workout, OK?

So between the "pedal monitoring system" and the WSJ column I'd already churned myself into butter, and then a reader forwards me this app which endeavors to turn Strava into even more of an auto-fellating experience:


Cliiiimb: A Real-Time Strava Experience from 4iiii Innovations on Vimeo.

"If it's not on the leader board, it didn't happen," the video begins.

Just as I suspected: my entire life is a mirage.

Do you ever use your phone to take a picture or a movie and stop to think that as we digitize everything around us that maybe we're already living in an entirely digitized universe we've already created?  And as you think about that, do you also think that maybe that digitized universe was digitized by people in a different universe, who themselves have been digitized, and so on and so forth to infinity, and then you just fall down twitching and foaming at the mouth?

Because I do.

Well, I don't actually fall down twitching and foaming at the mouth, but I do need to sit down for a minute or two with a slice of pizza.

Anyway, all of this crap only confirms my deepest quantum-physical fears, because this thing allows you to have a "phantom ghost rider" or something and compete against the you that exists in some other digital dimension:


"Go, go, go," it tells you in a nonplussed robotic voice as you cross the imaginary line in your imaginary race against an imaginary person how lonely and alienated we have become technology is turning us inward to oblivion oh my god kill me now:


Wait, I didn't say that last part out loud, did I?

I hope not.

Then it tells you your ride's over, just in case you're too stupid to figure out that you're home.

As it happens, the "Cliiimb" hardware is relatively cheap as these things go, but in terms of the cost to your dignity is putting a bunch of plastic sensors on yourself just to go for a ride really "cheap?"


I mean, look at all this crap!  Which one goes up your ass?

Anyway, next come a bunch of hard-hitting Fred interviews in the Bay Area:


"It's a much more interactive way of riding, it kinda takes the guessing out of...going out for a 'Strava Ride' if you will..."

Seriously, a 'Strava Ride' is a thing?  That's like having a 'Masturbation Date.'  Wanking is one thing, but it's quite another when you calendar your wank in your iPhone, send yourself flowers that afternoon, and then take yourself out for a $100 dinner before rubbing one out on your silk sheets.

And look at the glasses!


I dunno, all this seems like a highly concerted attempt to remove contemplation from cycling.  There's nothing like a ride to help you reflect and work through your problems, but the fact is that as you do this you don't always like what you find.  I suppose that's why people would prefer to chase a dot in their glasses to actually thinking about stuff as they grind their way up that climb.  I'm not that way, though.  Some days you're dancing up that climb because things are going your way, and other days you're trudging up it because you're dragging a metaphorical trailer full of hardship, and I'm of the belief that you should embrace all of it..  That's why I'm coming out with my own training app, which will include a $1,500 "head unit" (or optional $2,000 interactive glasses) that will stream the following information as you ride:

--Your bank account balances;
--Recent professional and personal successes and failures;
--What your spouse or life partner and other family members are currently doing and how much emotional currency you're spending by fucking off for a ride while they do it;
--How much money you've spent to date on cycling equipment;
--Mike Sinyard's real-time net worth;
--Using statistics, blood samples, and medical records, the time remaining until you'll most likely be dead.

That ought to help put that ride in perspective.

But not only is this data stuff an attempt to dodge dealing with life; it's also a full-fledged conspiracy.  See, using technology, they'll soon take cycling completely indoors, freeing up our country's road for all those self-driving cars:

The king is dead, long live the KOM.

138 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lick it

JB said...

Podium scranus?

streepo said...

meaningless digital illusion


foshame 245

dancesonpedals said...

pipped at the line

Flyover BC said...

top ten

Yeah Cleveland ! said...

Back in the money!

babble on said...

My live is a blessing, thank you very much. I am so damned lucky to have survived myself... :)

g. said...

Top Ten. I'll take it.

RobotDipShit said...

Must have more data.

Anonymous said...

I think your title should read "Life" and not "Live"

that is all.

Comment deleted said...

I'm going to geek out (stand back!) and tell you that the Apple II was more powerful than the computer on Apollo 11. The one in your lap is a friggin' supercomputer.

Bicycle Cycling Eckspurt said...

Is Ryan Condrashoff really that SRAM guy's name? I am calling shenanigans on that. Condrashoff rings about as true as my obviously fictional/false handle.

erialpa 14

BikeSnobNYC said...

Comment deleted,

I actually have a Commodore 64 on my lap. How does that compare?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Comment deleted said...

Wow. Classic rant, Snob. Your Honda paragraph was worth ten times the price of admission.

I wish I could spew bile that entertainingly.

Comment deleted said...

Snob, re: the C64; I could tell you the answer to that so exactly that you would kill yourself with a rusty spoon to make it stop.

Synonymous said...

We're all digital beings? The Matrix is real? I am heading out for a bicycle cycle ride right now and use my new digital super powers to avoid all the Agent Smiths on the road. On to Zion, Morpheus.

Schisthead said...

If you really have a C64 on your lap, you've been very good at hiding your nerdiness.

You gonna make BSNYC the computer game 8-bit?

JB said...

Did you all see Pioneer's prototype?

android_developer said...

Screw you, your make-believe god, and the combination tax shelter/child molestation factory you've built around it.

Excellence all the way through this one snob. Extend my subscription another 12 months.

That stupid gps gadget might attract a few customers.... Until Garmin adds the feature to some of their units.

Not sure why I need to buy their gadget since the gps radio in most mobile devices can do the same thing. We'll see the mobile app version in about 30 days.

Good for them for finding suckers willing to fund that failed business plan.

Marcel Da Chump said...

On a digital ghost ride...

CommieCanuck said...

It took me 28.773 seconds to read the post, 11.23% faster than last month.
So there.

The King of Park Slope said...

"Canada's seal blood sluice!" is no way to go through life young man.

Anonymous said...

We are all borg.

cycle

crosspalms said...

Do the pedal gizmo people have an app to tell me when to lube my chain? The app I have right now is a free one, just a little squeaky voice in the chain that says "lube me" over and over, but it would be really great if I could have some expensive electronic whatnot that would maybe send a text to my phone, or email everyone I know, saying "lube me."

DB said...

Would you please have some BSNYC bumper stickers made up for sale?
I'd like to put one on my Honda.

Flyover BC said...

Who needs strava and all the other technology to help them train?


On my current commute route, there's this 12 year-old-kid who insists on a Cat 6 race for the last two miles of his morning commute to middle-school.

There's nothing worse than getting passed by a 12 year-old on a road bike who you stands on the pedals to sprint past an old-guy, me.

Fortunately, I pass him on the hill, mostly because I have a grant gear. But, I gotta put some distance between himself and myself before the next level section. Because, what he lacks in climbing power, he makes up in endless energy and ambition, the little fart.

McFly said...

Best post ever Wildcat Bitch Machine. My buddy got a new Eye Fone 7S w/4000 gigapixel pentel perrinium processor. He gave me his Cateye wireless speedo. I stuck it on my MTB. For the hell of it.

1st time I rode it I immediately felt like a total asshole/douchebag.

ps Mother Nature lieks it in the ass.

trama said...

My Starva record is unbeatable when I use my powerful legs to take me from Naganuma to Minamitama via Takahatafudo, bitches!!


Flyover BC said...

He probably types and proofs better than me too.

DB said...

Commie at 12:40 is in the early running for comment of the day.

McFly said...

Coolest window treatment I ever did seen was a single stick man with a big pile of cash beside him.

Comment deleted said...

Just read it again, and I think I'm going to take my supercomputer, with this post displayed, and put it in a frame to hang on the wall.

You nailed so many things on the head; the modern fear of contemplation, obsession over metrics, voluntary brand pimping...damn...sorry to fawn so much, but I'm in awe.

Walter Beckham said...

DB, BikeSnob stickers are in the back of his book, "Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning The World Of Cycling"...there are four of them! I got the book used for a penny off Amazon-it's a hilarious, laugh out loud read...oh, and I put one of the stickers on my SUV...

DB said...

Thanks, Walter.
I forgot about those.

CommieCanuck said...

Everyone knows when the rapture occurs, Jebus and the great lob will be checking you bumper stickers, heathen sinners.

DB said...

Commie:
You are good today.
Sorry that Robs Fords show was cancelled.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...hey, don't diss on wanking dates. that's all some of us have.

...i do my wanking dates on strava.

Anonymous said...

Militant atheist BullS. How do you think poor people are taken care of in the USA? Not through Republicans.

babble on said...

Hoooooray! TOOLS R US! Mmmmmm tools I love love love em.

Heh heh... communalist. THAT's whatchacall vertically compliant.

Wow! Killing me softly with satire. EPOironic.

Mmm Japanese bike porn. Tick. amateur athlete with a compulsion to cronicle...tick... OMG I AM OFFICE BIKE GUY!! ACK!!

Singing my life... babblingonandonandonandon. That Star Wars Hat guy is probably related to Darth Vader violin busker in Victoria... telling my whole life... Mmm. Yes, I feel your anger, snobbers, for sure. Don't feed it, Luke...

Oh! Speaking of anger, a pit bull attacked a pug on kits beach yesterday, and the pug's 80 year old owner took out his knife and killed it. His pet has come through surgery to repair the wounds to its neck and is expected to recover.

LOL! If it's not on the leaderboard it didn't happen. Strava keeps dropping me half way through my rides.

But it's not as social as a good group ride. It's waaaay harder to go super fast as a lone wolf.

It's true... solid gold post. I laughed so hard I nearly came. You touched me where I live, snob.
Thank you. That's why I love you.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...i'd just like to say

you are on fire today.

i never lol easily, but today was an exception.

me likey!

Comment deleted said...

Anonymous, you're right, of course. We should forgive the centuries of torture, forced conversions, corruption and now, pedophilia, because of loving concern for the poor. Who, coincidentally, make a large and fast-reproducing (since birth control is evil) pile of fodder for the future.

One good does not cancel out all the wrong.

mikeweb said...

What, no more bike cycleen clothing discussion?

Fuck this. I'm taking my asthma hound Chihuahua for a walk.

Anonymous said...

All anybody needs is a V-Meter.

Tal F said...

Data is addictive. Thanks for sucker-punching me back into reality.

grog said...

Snob stickers not the same as bumper stickers. You're welcome.
I put a Snob sticker on my mtb, and it fell apart in an ugly way. The sticker, not the mtb.

db said...

You latched on to the exact same quote that spiked my blood pressure: taking the guesswork out of Strava.

Dafuq? You know distance, time, and how those compare to other Strava users (if you use the damn app). What's left to guess? Blood type? Sperm count? OCD medication?

Snobiiiice needs to include the real-time market price of my bike, so I can bemoan the devaluation as I limp up an 8 percent climb on a road with no shoulder...

Anonymous said...

The Cliiiiiiiimb ad was filmed/shot in Calgary Alberta, my stompin' ground. The shot in the mountains is probably on Highway 40, the roadway with the highest elevation in North America. Roadies love it in the summer, and cross-country skiers in the winter when the road is closed. The city itself sucks except for work.

Why do I feel like the captcha is getting me to identify the residences of dissidents? These are clearly number signs on people's houses...

mikeweb said...

Yes, the environmental sticker on the car phenomenon reminds me of the environmental t-shirt on the food shopper clutching 17 plastic shopping bags phenomenon.

the Jimboner said...

On fire today Snob!
I am giggling and filming myself giggling so I can make myself giggle more later when I watch myself giggling at the words that you wrote that made me giggle.

mikeweb said...

In reference to her 1:04 comment, I think babble is into the vino early today.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Crosspalms:

"little squeaky voice that says "lube me" over and over..."

I fear that we may be dating the same girl...

Buffalo Bill said...

Returning to the back of the peloton today. As someone who processes data for a living, I gotta say: great rant wildcat.

Roille Figners said...

You nailed it - "Golly, where did all these distractions come from?" From people who would rather be distracted. (Or actually from the people who make money off those people.)

mikeweb said...

@Cd 1:08,

+1000

David said...

But I bet Wildcat Rock Machine didn't mind seeing his name plastered all over that bike in Gothenburg, or wherever it was. What an ego.

Buffalo Bill said...

Highwood Pass better be open next year. I friggin love that road, but you really have to watch out for sheep (and bears!) on the descent.

Paul Groundwell said...

Fucking brilliant post, thank you for making me smile after a shitty day.

BamaPhred said...

The Snob is on fire today and so is the Commentariat. I can't keep up with crowd. Everything I thought of got addressed before I got to the end. You want Strava results, run them thru DigitalEPO.

JB said...

Pro-tip: you can completely ignore the numerical portion of the Captcha.

Dave said...

Which one goes up your ass? That's easy - they all do, sequentially and then simultaneously, until your brain is totally controlled, and you are stuffed into my mold; you will do as you are told until the rights to you are sold!

But then when you growl at some little Billy Crystal type that you shit bigger than him, you can quantify that down to the millimeter.

Anonymous said...

Eat your heart out, Andy Rooney. WRM can rant!

crosspalms said...

anon 1:17, I protect the dissidents' addresses by substituting "666." The robots seem to like it.

babble on said...

Lol!!

Ass. MMMMM ass.

Re: the vino. Not today. Not yet anyway. I gave up the wine 'cept for a glass or two on special occasions. Takes yer legs out from under you.

Roille Figners said...

ram it
ram it
ram it
ram it up your poop chute
(corn hole)

Roille Figners said...

(not you Babs)

(although wait...)

Helen said...

Brilliant post, Snob.

3G said...

IIII IIII

Yarpo said...

So there's Cliiiimb and Cliiiimb Pro. Shouldn't the first one be called Cliiiimb Amateur?

It's like Pro Bars. I'm not a Pro, therefore I don't feel qualified to eat them, so I'll wait until they come out with Amateur Bars, which I will buy by the case.

Take Phylactics, for instance, when are they gonna make Amateurphylactics for men who are fumbly at sex? I mean, Pro is FINE for ME of course, so.....aw shit, never mind.

Nice work today, Snob, like a Pro!

Anonymous said...

Testing whether you can ignore the numerical portion of the captcha.

Anonymous said...

I nominate this as your best post of all time. Fucking hi-larious. Take tomorrow off, you earned it.

Podium-Seeking Dipshit said...

It's encouraging to know there are people who are hatefully cynical and judgemental in the same ways that I am! Great post today.

Anonymous said...

I once had a cateye on my bike many years ago, but than one day I asked myself why? I couldn't think of a good answer, so I removed it. I consider myself a decent and devoted cyclist, but it's a hobby and I'm far, far from a pro in both ability and compensation so why do I need to time myself and compete virtually against other Freds? There is nothing wrong for riding for the sheer fun of it.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC --

You wrote: "This is America.... We're free to buy what we want when we want, and to shoot anybody who tries to take it from us."

My dog wishes to point out that we are not free to shoot anybody. We are free to run them over.

That's a very big difference.

Unless you're the target.

JB said...

Then how do you measure yourself against other Freds?

By height.

Fred Clydesdale said...

how things going at home, wildcat? i mean, because, grrrrr.

Anonymous said...

My theory is that Strava "athletes" are basically people who sucked at team sports growing up and are now pathetically trying to make up for it.

JB said...

Literal LOL

Don't everyone come to West County at once!

babble on said...

Leroy - :D ++

Right?

R Fords said...

My best Strava time is infinity, 0.00% down from infinity.

CommieCanuck said...

Ron Burgundy joins Ford Nation.

He's the BEST..the BEST.

Ford More Beers!

McFly said...

Dammit JB I call dibs if there is a NEXT in the mix.

CommieCanuck said...

My theory is that Strava "athletes" are basically people who sucked at team sports growing up and are now pathetically trying to make up for it.

The best part is you can fuck with them. Use your car to carefully beat their best time by 2-3 seconds until they die of exertion. Good Times.

Dooth said...

Does that Pioneer play cassettes? I have an old Pioneer tape deck, but it weighs more than my bike.

Test Tickle said...

Holy shit. That was a brilliant fucking post.

I was beginning to think your cynicism was completely wavering.

HOLY SHIT

EPIC POST

Roille Figners said...

Monday = car hate day
Tuesday = gear day
Wednesday = gear hate day
Thursday = **WILDCARD**
Friday = quiz

The Whizzer said...

I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Wildcat's illegitimate half brother
Whizz Rock Machine

crosspalms said...

I thought Strava was the East German secret police.

JLRB said...

Ryan Condomshort thinks bicycling needs to be more interactive? Someone give the little fucker a dictionary. If bicyclecycling were a video game you might need to make it more interactive. It's not. It is a real world physical activity with plenty of interaction - Little Ryan should spin up to Fred Wahoo speed on a decent and hit only the front brakes hard and he can interact.

But what do I know. I am just an electronic signal, created on planet Pluto (back when it was), sent here to imagine the life that once was.

(Whatever it was for breakfast - eat it again tomorrow - a fine week of BSNYc)

Anonymous said...

Did you not read the Stafko "OK, you're a runner, get over it" op-ed?

Here's a nice quote:

"Why would someone want to get up at 5 a.m. and run 10 miles adorned with fluorescent tape to avoid being struck by someone who has the good sense to use a car for a 10-mile journey?"

Seems like a nice dude.. hope to be run over by him some day on my 5AM run!

DB said...

Ok.....
Everybody wins funniest comment today.
Thanks for a great post and great comments.
I still want bumper stickers, though.
My Blogger can beat up your Honor Student

Edward said...

Wow! Some possibly Crass-inspired diatribe about animal rights! You're just full of surprises.

Anonymous said...

whoops forgot to link it,
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304448204579186401818882202

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Plus one on all the post and comment love.
And of course the best things in life are unquantifiable. I was going to say priceless, but someone already ruined that word for us.

Anonymous said...


CommieCanuck at 3:00 PM

The best part is you can fuck with them. Use your car to carefully beat their best time by 2-3 seconds until they die of exertion. Good Times.

Why waste time in a car when you can just use DigitalEPO to improve your time while relaxing on some silk sheets at home?

Anonymous said...

Thanks, man, great piece of literature! Barorial! Ciao from italy.

nscadu 9 said...

bang on snob! Surely you have a rant meter to tell you your anger levels as you write.

Dogs Chase Their Tails said...

The only car in the world with a "I Love My Corgi" sticker is Leroy's.

Anonymous said...

But where would the whole "bike industry" be if word got out that all you needed to bike was a bike.

Hummmm.....Go FIgure

Matt said...

Commie: The best part is you can fuck with them. Use your car to carefully beat their best time by 2-3 seconds until they die of exertion. Good Times.

Back in the old days, when Windows was new and exciting, and a bunch of us in the office honed our mouse skills on Minesweeper, I discovered it was much easier to edit the text file with the best times in it than to actually score well. I tortured the accounting guy who was really good at it by posting great times of my own but also for the customer service women from time to time. Drove him nuts. I only told him when I left.

Comment deleted said...

C

Anonymous said...

I don't how today's blog displayed on everyone else's screen, but on mine this passage;

"Really, the point here is that it's all about me, and this new age of self-promotion isn't good for my already addled mental state."

appeared directly next to the ad for that BSNYC cap.

There's so much to be cherished in Snobby's missives.

DB said...

I'd rather be on my gravel bike!

JB said...

A bike made of gravel? NOW I'VE HEARD EVERYTHING.

Anonymous said...

Rant efficiency is high when most of the ranters power is applied to the topic. I like the Tron: Legacy-esqe soundtrack too.

Vegas said...

Nice, Snob. Hopefully Keanu will save us!

I do object to your notion that I am neglecting interpersonal relationships whilst I'm Fofinov. Suggesting I have any worthwhile human interaction is just ridiculous.

Anon 1:17, See JB at 1:45. I use "poop" to prove I'm not a robot instead of giving them the address #'s. It was pointed out here in the comments previously that the number isn't necessary. And yeah it's creepy that they want house #'s instead of words. The old way when they said they were digitizing books sounded beneficial.

http://techcrunch.com/2012/03/29/google-now-using-recaptcha-to-decode-street-view-addresses/

Eterhuffer said...

Oh what a sublime rant. Well,ok, hit in the face with a dirty stick rant.

While ranting is a great joy in the modern life, remember, if someone/something gets you worked up enough to rant, it de facto pressed your button. It owned ya, indirectly. I allow my spouse to rant about how a smart person pissed her off. If its a dumb person that got her going, I point out that she let a dumb person eat up x minutes of her life by even thinking about their dumbness.

Anonymous said...

" ... people are abandoning pit bulls in the park by tying them to trees, and they're incinerated by the thousands..."

assuming you mean the dogs, what could be more fitting for the breed? i guess it could work for "the people", too.


and as far as tuesday's post:

http://www.rivbike.com/product-p/ar2.htm

people will pay to look stoopit

Anonymous said...

you are awesome

blogreader said...

boy strada would't go over well with the old boy fishing community where all the ones that "got away" were imaginary

Comment deleted said...

That's pretty profound, Etherhuffer. I'll have to remember that (and then immediately forget it the next time I encounter a stupid driver).

Top said...

Awesome, f-ing awesome. Religion bashing techno babble awesome, summing up the egocentric wanking world we cycle bikers live in. I LOVE this S#*+T.

Anonymous said...

I dunno. I think this had a "you damn kids get off my lawn" or, worse, a "oh no, I didn't see that program. I don't own a tv." sort of vibe to it. Then again, I still have a tv, rent so fuck the lawn and use a bike computer. What do I know?

ouabacher said...

Roille, Love the Mothers reference! JB you must do your part to digitize stuff
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/ReCAPTCHA

McFly said...

I have literally lost riding buddies to data. Either that or that just don't want to ride with me anymore. INCONTHIEVEABLE! (princess bride voice)

Comment deleted said...

oubacher, Dave slipped an FZ quote in there, too.

Roille Figners said...

Why those re-captcha-ing MOTHERFUCKERS! Speaking of how data makes fools of us all. Just when I thought Google's farming me like a penned animal with eyeballs had gone far enough, they use me in an "experiment"(*) wherein I, hapless eyeball meat, get to help them invade the privacy of other hapless eyeball meat who happen to have houses with numbers on them.

I am typing FUCKGOOGLE for the house number from now on.

Roille Figners said...

IT WORKED

Roille Figners said...

Cuz first of all, maybe your business is invading everyone's privacy, maybe it's not, but either way, DO YOUR OWN JOB.

Secondly, never mind.

ge said...

Best sticker I ever had was one that looked a lot like a "One Less Car" sticker, but said "One More Wazoo". It was an Aussie soft drink brand but no one in Canada knew that.

Oh, and people can yap on about their Corgis in blogs all day long and I'll never know they exist so Blogs +1, Bumper stickers -1.

Anonymous said...

Babs surely is waiting for the Cliiiimax version to drop.

Bill Pustow said...

your best yet!

Pluggedin Dork said...

If the Sun's magnetic field shifts then that could compromise the accuracy of all my cyclodataparaphernalia! How will I know if I've gone for a ride?

Etherhuffer said...

@comment deleted
Please feel free to go off on a bad driver. Those are exceptions to my sheisshaus philosophy. In a world where no one is supposed to offend anyone, how are bad drivers going to get the message that they suck? Even here is nicey nice Seattle I make full use of my horn when drivers do really stupid stuff. I love to drive, but hate driving to commute. Its sucks. And this area particularly sucks due to a preponderance of bad drivers.

Dream Job said...

Am I having a senior moment/brain fart or isn't the Pioneer pedal-er pedal-ing backwards? Confusing.

The Keep Tahoe Blue! is my fav bumper sticker hypocrisy. Car exhaust is the main culprit in the greening of the lake. Maybe it should read Keep Tahoe Bleu! for the Montbleu casino instead.

Anonymous said...

your best work ever? could well be. bravo, sir.

leroy said...

Earlier today, my dog asked "is it just me, or does it smell like dog in here"?

I just got it.

I think.

vervolk said...

\Excellent post! It's a tool and so are you. A laughed so much I couldn't read further. I still hate BSNYC for the blinking ads, though.

McFly said...

Hey Leroy maybe it's his flease jacket.

Dooth said...

Off topic, but have mention the term "fixed gear lifestyle" which I read on another cycling blog. I have a track bike and a road and a commuter bike...the "fixed gear/gear bike/townie bike lifestyle", so there.

JB said...

While we wait for the quiz: I have a roading bike (steel, old) and a mountaining bike (Al, 29, hardtail). Because of the n+1 theory, what should my next bike be? I'm thinking cross or rigid-SS-29er.

mikeweb said...

This morning my bedroom floor was creaky and the door was stiff. I'm going to consult my Roomatologist.

JB:

SS 29er.

Annoyed by Canuks said...

Highwood Pass:
Highest paved road in Canada,not highest road in North America.
Canadians...sheesh!

Unknown said...

"...most people are little more than vapid and unwitting pixels in the flashing banner ad that has become our culture..."


The best line I've read all year...

Jase said...

"most people are little more than vapid and unwitting pixels in the flashing banner ad that has become our culture."
Profound(ly self reflexive,) Wildcat Brooks Machine

Anonymous said...

It's kinda like blogging...

Jeff Turner said...

i've been a skateboarder for about 30 years, and just recently got into cycling. I have to say in 30 years of skateboarding I've never heard the level of complaining and critiquing I see in cycling. It's really sad. Some people make a living (or at least beer money) off of complaining that some people ride a bike different. Or have different goals or whatever. Why don't you just ride your fucking bike instead of complaining that someone records their data or even gets geeked off of it?

Inderjeet Singh said...

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