Thursday, June 15, 2017

Sorry I'm Late, But I'm Old and Slow Now

After a night of uneasy dreams in which I was being chased by Roberto Heras:


I awoke in a cold sweat only to realize it's only a few more days until the Brompton World Championship race in New York City:


In which, as a budding Bromptonaut, I will obviously take part:


Plus, you know, I've got that suit:


As a semi-professional bike blogger I have scant opportunity to wear a suit, and if it weren't for the race I'd have to wait for someone I know to get married or die--or, failing that, my own demise:


Please bury me with my Brompton as it's the only bike that will fit inside my carbon fiber coffin.  Of course, it does technically still belong to Brompton, so if they want it they'll have to exhume me, which sounds like the premise for a bicycle-themed zombie movie called "Undead Fred."

In the meantime, rest assured that this very morning I weighed down the Brommie with ballast and headed out for some Cat 6-style bridge intervals:


Victory may be elusive, but I've already got intoxication in the bag.

Speaking of fashion, fancy shoe purveyor Christian Louboutin harnessed the awesome marketing power of bicycle polo to showcase a $995 pair of sneakers:



FLORENCE, Italy — Isolationists, take note. Politicians may build walls, seal borders, freeze passports and talk trash about international cooperation, yet the realities of our global interdependence remain unchanged. Though it may no longer be the world’s largest manufacturer of pig iron or steel, the United States remains a powerhouse thought generator whose cultural exports — think rock ’n’ roll, graffiti, Pop Art, software, computer gaming, skateboarding, surfing, sportswear, the list is extensive — are avidly taken up around the world.

Consider the spectacle that opened the 92nd edition of Pitti Uomo, the twice-yearly men’s wear trade fair that is not only the world’s largest such event, but also by far its most creatively adventuresome.

I'm not sure I'd include bike polo as a uniquely American cultural export.  Were we even responsible for it in the first place?  And if we were, did the current hipster variation actually originate in Seattle?

In a plaza set before the 14th-century basilica of Santa Maria Novella, in the heat of a Tuscan morning, polo grounds had been set up, complete with barricades, safety nets and goal posts. The playing field was not for an equestrian tournament but for its two-wheel variant, hardcourt bike polo — a growing and super-democratic version of the sport of kings, one with roots among off-duty bicycle messengers in Seattle.

“Bike messengers did it after work,” said Julian Aristeo, a mechanic who first trained as a graphic designer and who is a member of the three-man Gnarcats, a Seattle team. Though in ordinary play, hardcourt bike polo is notably unisex, for Pitti the teams were all male. “It’s a men’s wear show, after all,” Mr. Aristeo said.

Well I don't know if Seattle's where this current iteration of bike polo started, but as far as who actually invented it in the first palce, according to a popular online user-edited encyclopedia it was proto-Fred in Ireland by the name of Richard J. Mecredy:

The game was invented in County Wicklow, Ireland, in 1891 by retired champion cyclist Richard J. Mecredy, editor of The Irish Cyclist magazine.

Though my own research points to Francis Wilson of New Rochelle, NY:


I suspect however that neither of these are true, and I'm working on a theory that the game was in fact invented by a Cleveland cyclist who needed to transport a ham home from the butcher shop by bicycle.  The ham was too unwieldy and succulent to carry, and his bike was not equipped with a basket or rack, and so he used a broom to push the ham home while riding alongside it

And that's how bike polo was born.

Lastly, after a failed Kickstarter campaign, Velo Visor is back with a flashy new video:


Originally the were looking for six thousand of your British Pounds Sterling:



But now they've lowered their goal to £300 (or three hundred eighty-two of our American Fun Tickets) which hardly seems worth it:



Wonder if I can get one in time for the Brompton World Championships.

34 comments:

Schisthead said...

Is the visor for welding while you're riding?

Bryan Bracy said...

podium

Anonymous said...

WANT BEER

Anonymous said...

Scranus

WannabeEditortobe said...

You actually used the term "carbon," I believe......

Freddy Murcks said...

I missed the podio, but the VeloVisor gave me a hearty chuckle. All is good.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

5th Scranii for the 5th time?

Bill said...

Crabon en mi scranus!

Old Timer said...

Huh? What? "Old and slow"?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

illegitimi non craborundum! Did I just coin that like SCROTUS coined "Prime the Pump?"

How can you leave your 2 remaining children on Fathers' Day for the Brompton World Championships?

Drock said...

My ashes are going in a frame so I can continue to ride

NHcycler said...

Booklyn Summer Ale -- excellent taste, WCRM!

bad boy of the sooth said...

So, according to your theory,bike polo is ham-me-down sport.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk ...

Blog has reached maturity...

vsk

N/A said...

Beer is excellent for bike racing hydration.

JLRB said...

Brompton on and on - the little wheels would avoid the Portland tax

N/A said...

If somebody needs to crowd-fund $400, then I cannot take them seriously.

Anonymous said...

Were you headed out to bury that beer along your route like your boy Stevil?

Reap What You Sow said...

Origins in Porkland, Oregon.

bieks said...

So a fashion show publicity stunt counts as a cultural export?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

..."Victory may be elusive, but I've already got intoxication in the bag."

...are you already lowering your expectations? I thought you were going for podium last time you mentioned the championships.

McFly said...

Good Luck.

May you fold quicker than Tejay Vangarderen on a climb in the Pyrenees.

Cat 4 e-Racer said...

The visor reminds me of a new phenomenon I'm seeing in the local dirt-Fred sanctuary, a lot of dudes riding MTBs with full face helments. I wonder if this new craze is inspired by Game of Thrones?

Hee Haw the Barista said...

Pfft ... bleeding edge hipsterites have all moved on to bike Marco Polo.

Chris King snorkles will drop in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ...

Charlie said...

that kickstarter is just so sad. dudes, listen up, the market has spoken.

Chazu said...

The visor will impede imbibing.

leroy said...

All I'm admitting is that late-ish last night I wore a suit and tie while riding a Citibike down Fifth Avenue.

I can neither admit nor deny exposing my buttocks in the direction of certain tacky tower next door to Tiffany's.

My dog, on the other hand, won't shut up about it.

Anonymous said...

Hey that velovisor seems familiar:

http://www.blakes7online.com/images/articles/troopers_250px.png

JLRB said...

How do you pronounce Nyack?

Fendering up the brompton?

Die free said...

Your late post let me break in to the top 30. Winner! today and yesterday even.

Anonymous said...

NEYE YACK

dancesonpedals said...

kayak with an N

Llinguistics said...

In Nyack they say Yakety yak, don't talk back.

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